(Why you’re looking in the wrong place anyway…)
I truly believe that one of the biggest causes of overwhelm in motherhood is the constant bombardment of advice, comments, questions and remarks (which are most of the time – completely unsolicitiored, lets be honest) about the way we are choosing to raise our kids, and why we are choosing that way. It can make us feel flustered, heavy, confused, chaotic, and can find us looking for validation in our motherhood in all the wrong places.
This can take many forms – a friend from playgroup, a family member, a Facebook community – questioning your methods and why. We find ourselves suddenly defending our lives to this person or group (or stranger, it happens) like it has anything to do with them in the first place.
“Well we didn’t think she was ready for potty training just yet, it didn’t feel like the right time, honestly research suggests it causes no harm to wait a bit, so and so trained at 3 and a half and they are completely fine so….”
I mean really, is it anyone else’s business?
You find yourself leaving these situations, conversations and experiences feeling on edge, anxious and bothering you for the rest of the day – but not quite being able to put your finger on why. It takes up brain space, takes away your energy and peace and puts you in a reactive state.
If you’re being honest you’ve probably been left feeling like this more than once over the past week.
See the thing is, your home, children, life and sanity are unique to you. We all experience things differently and have different needs – so why are we looking for validation in motherhood from these people and things?
For example do older generations actually and truly know what it’s like to raise children during a global pandemic, with unstable governments, price increases, Nuclear threats and climate change being a genuine threat and concern to the well being of our children and grandchildren (mainly due to the choices of the generations before us). With the added pressure and information on the internet and social media, being reachable 24/7 via a mobile phone. Not to mention the pressure of needing 2 incomes to run a household and raise a family somewhat comfortably – for the majority.
Why does it bother us so much then?
Maybe it’s because that whilst we are busy raising children during and after a global pandemic with unstable governments, price increases, Nuclear threats and climate change being a genuine threat and concern to the well-being of our children and grandchildren and the pressure of needing 2 incomes to run a household and raise a family….
We just want someone to say “You are doing a wonderful job, you make the best choices for your own circumstances and your children are fabulous!” Yet people rarely do, so we run around like overwhelmed headless chickens oversharing information and waiting for someone to tell us we are not doing everything wrong and raising serial killers that never eat vegetables and still don’t sleep through the night at the age of 43.
Well, enough is enough. It’s time to burn the rule book, choose yourself and live life and motherhood on your own terms.
Because sugar, you’re looking for validation in all the wrong places. There is one voice you need to trust for guidance, and that’s your own.
Here’s how to stop seeking validation in your motherhood from others:
Opinions and interference and judgements are usually people projecting their own baggage onto you.
It’s more a reflection of them and their own lives and internal issues and limiting belief system’s than the way you are doing things. If your grandma is berating you for cuddling your baby too much, she probably wishes she’d done it more when she had the chance.
Stop seeking validation from others and seek it from yourself.
Do you like your children? Do you feel happy with how you are raising them? Are you in alignment with how you want to show up in your motherhood? Only you can answer these questions, not Karen from playgroup.
Invest in your well being
If your well is dry there is nothing to drink from, your children need you and your energy. So invest in your self care instead of viewing it as selfish. The more nourished and rested you are – the better you are able to show up for them, which when you think about it, is kinda the opposite of selfish.
Stuck for doable self care ideas?
Journal it out
If something isn’t sitting right with you, and contributing to your overwhelm. Journal it out to try and get to the root of why. Are you finding a particular stage or issue challenging at the moment, are you stuck? Can you make a simple shift to help?
Find some helpful affirmations or meditations
Choosing on a helpful affirmation to tell yourself when all the things and opinions are being thrown your way can be very grounding. Try;
“I trust myself and the choices I make for my family.”
“My inner guidance knows what to do.”
“Other peoples interference is a projection of their weakness.”
“I choose to be calm and grounded when surrounded by chaos.”
Some grounding guided meditations can also help to help you feel more centered, and in a better place to trust you and your judgement. So if you can, try and find a moment of quiet in the day to tune out.
Once you teach yourself to tune out the noise and dial in to your own guidance system, and use these simple tweaks listed above – you can slowly get to a place that feels more happy, confident and peaceful. Motherhood is too fleeting, sweet and at times – overwhelming to lay awake at night questioning your choices over and over. Trust yourself and your own internal guidance system and start doing motherhood on your own terms, and not on the terms of Karen from playgroup.
Ready to hit reset? Click the image below to be sent my 5 week overwhelm reset toolkit xo
Thanks for stopping by at my corner of the internet, I’m Maria – you can read about me here – it’s my mission to lift the lid on motherhood and make your parenting journey easier. Stick around for recipes, hacks and tips and truths on lessening the overwhelm and simplifying motherhood and twin parenting. If you enjoyed this blog pop me a message or comment – I’d love to hear from you!
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